Jay’s Plays

These Are The Plays That Launched A Thousand Ships.

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Full Length Plays

CLAMBAKED!

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The hook of “Clambaked!” has a throwback quality as it showcases a range of production settings from popular Elvis Presley films. The story features a quirky ensemble of characters in a lively fever-dream narrative filled with comedic antics, physical gags, witty banter and cinematic action (all of the fights, chases, rescues and musical numbers can fare well on the big screen.)

This is a bizarre, fun script that’s totally engrossing and keeps the reader on their toes, always wanting to know more. From just the premise alone – that a man is trapped inside a world of Elvis movies, and all the different characters cross into each other’s worlds – it makes this script something people feel compelled to read.

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Twelve Bar Blues

Lucky Me Lucky You

A two-act collection of twelve comic sketches – all taking place on one simple set, a bar called The Jungle Room.

Two cocktail waitresses and a bartender serve as the main characters. Throughout the evening, they encounter a crazy cast of barflies, including: Jones, a music major who is earning his fine arts degree in playing the maracas . . . Dean, who wants his date to mother him – complete with baby bonnet and bib . . . and Malinda, a ventriloquist who’s come to the bar to find her dummy. Or as her ex puts it, "I know she likes to manipulate men – but this is ridiculous!"

Its intoxicating satire, sparkling wit, and dry humor is guaranteed to raise your spirits.

Ten men. Nine women. One set.

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Transisters

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Joke Cassidy is embarrassed by his constant failures in life. And his latest troubles – losing his job and his girlfriend on the same day – has driven him to desperation. So he tries to pass off a robot, who he swiped from his job at Walt Disney World, as his new girlfriend to friends visiting from out of town.

She’s so lifelike, it works, and Joke has something he’s always wanted: the envy of others. However, when flaws in her design start to be uncovered, Joke must constantly replace parts stolen from Disney World to keep her alive. And, depending on the part he’s forced to use, she takes on various personalities – from Mary Poppins to Marilyn Monroe to Elvis Presley.

For the characters, it’s all one big electronic comedy complication after another. For your audiences, it’s an evening of hilarity.

This is the full-length reimagining of Jay’s popular one-act comedy It Happened At Kings Island.

Four men. Four women. One set.

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The Sing Sing Suite

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Hunk Shaughnessy lives a life of luxury . . . in jail.

Sing Sing is run like a highfalutin hotel. This is because the warden is more interested in having her prisoners love her than she is in jurisprudence. When they make her happy, she makes them happy.

But Hunk’s status quo is shattered when a new inmate is booked: Eli Witter, the world’s greatest escape artist. Eli plans an escape, but Sing Sing is so luxurious, they don’t lock the doors.

Eli knows he would look foolish busting out of a prison that’s not detaining him. He vows to transform Sing Sing into a maximum-security penitentiary – and then escape. Hunk vows to thwart Eli and preserve Sing Sing’s quality of life.

Three men. Two women. One set.

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The Church of Diminishing Marginal Returns

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When incorrigible entrepreneur Josh Pocket finds himself in severe financial trouble, he cons his evangelical brother Jon into starting their own church.

Although Jon has a penchant for hermeneutical biblical exegesis and is quite sincere about the endeavor, Josh is only interested in collecting tithes and love offerings.

Josh and Jon’s endeavor is so financially successful, they’re able to pay off most of their debts. This doesn’t sit well with their banker, Gordon Hepworth, who has been making a handsome living off of the interest from their outstanding loans.

And when Nancy Fairchild of the IRS uncovers the church’s activities... uh-oh! She launches a formal investigation. Josh and Jon must get their act together to qualify as a bona fide 401-C-3 tax-exempt church corporation.

Three men. Two women. One set.

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Sing, Swing, and Sway

Writer Jay Huling On Stage

Big Frank is a Chicago mob kingpin who fears no one and is feared by everyone. He has only one weakness: his soon-to-be 21-year-old daughter Valerie, who Frank raised by himself and sheltered from every conceivable vice in this world.

Now she wants to be on her own, and he is scared to death what might happen to her. So, Frank hires – or, more accurately, strongarms – struggling nightclub owner Charlie Beale to secretly chaperone Valerie wherever she goes and whatever she does, without her knowing. One slip up and it’s the “Chicago piano” for Charlie.

But when Valerie finds out about the arrangement, she does everything in her power to make Charlie’s job as hard as possible. This spoof of Elvis Presley’s “Girl Happy” is sure to make your audiences happy.

Five men. Four women. One set.

Currently under exclusive contract

Hard Luck Sings The Blues

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Heinz Laughlin is a self-conscious guy in a self-conscious story about his attempts to woo the woman of his dreams.

Heinz is aware that he’s a character in a play and that his Playwright has purposely put obstacles in the way, but he believes he can manipulate the Playwright’s will (and get what he wants) if he just tries hard enough.

He seeks counsel from a mail-order minister who's written over 1,200 how-to books . . . hires a woman from an escort service to help him “practice” for his big date . . . fasts for three days to get the Playwright to answer his prayer . . . and sends his beloved a direct mail love letter.

Will he get what he wants or get what’s coming to him?

Three men. Two women. One Set.

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And God Created Laughter

PWI94318 Adam and Eve (oil on panel) by Cranach, Lucas, the Elder (1472-1553); Private Collection; Peter Willi; German,  out of copyright

A comic romp through the stories of the Bible, told by the One who knows it best – God Himself.

Have you ever had a backstage pass to Heaven with the Creator of all things? Find out what really happened when Adam and Eve discovered they were naked. What do Charlie’s Angels have to do with the Bible? And why did the Devil go down to Georgia?

“And God Created Laughter” is your unprecedented invitation into the past, present, and future. It’s taken God 10,000 years to appear on stage like this . . . the hilarious story of mankind as you may never see it again.

Six men. Five women. One set.

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One-Act Plays

Peter Perfect Picked a Peck of Pickled Perfection

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Peter Perfect is perfect. So is his partner Poppy Perfect, and so are their friends Pokey Perfect and Pepper Perfect. But when Peter’s daughter Piper brings home her new fiancé Bruce Kerfuffle, things get a little pesky. This play will challenge your audience’s politics and your actors’ pronunciation.

Three men. Three women. One set.

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Insert Laugh Here

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“Welcome to The Jungle Room. I’ll be at your service to help you fill your empty life with the fleeting pleasures of alcoholic delusions.”

And so begins Insert Laugh Here – a one-act comedy that takes place at a bar where a simpleton named Les has come to drown his sorrows. Along the way to inebriation, he meets a crazy cast of barflies, including:

  • Neil – who likes women with hairy knuckles. Or as he puts it, “A sound mind is nothing compared to a firm grip.”
  • Margret – who wants a man who doesn’t have callouses on his fingertips.
  • Lotta – a Mary Kay-type sales lady who offers to get Les women who are “out-of-the-box and oven ready.”

And throughout it all, Les waits to see if a mafia hit he has ordered will be successful . . . a hit on himself.

Insert Laugh Here is Jay’s one-act version of his hit full-length play Twelve Bar Blues.

Three men. Three woman. One set.

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Trilogy for Two

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Marty and Jerry, a writing team whose careers have recently stalled, work on a new script. They improvise scenes to get their creative juices flowing – including: Bad actors performing Hamlet . . . First-timers at a nudist colony . . . Mail that’s never delivered to Buenos Aires, South Africa . . . and a man who is publicly disgraced because he sleeps with his pillow before he marries it.

But nothing works for them because Marty has an emotional need to add meaning to his writing, while Jerry wants the audience to be entertained with belly laughs. As they search through old photo albums for inspiration, they reminisce about their lives, loves, and losses. Who will win the battle between art vs. entertainment? Or is there another battle to be won?

Two men. Two women. One set.

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The Wily Ray Riley

Tracey Rooney in The Wily Ray Riley

A dark comedy about a beautiful gypsy fortune teller – Ray Riley – whose gifts of foresight are genuine. But the seeress hides her necromancy by acting as a well-trained expert in the workings of the human psyche. The classic tale of discovering the defrauder is turned on its head when a preacher threatens to expose the sexy psychic as the real deal – unless help is given to raise funds for his church. But the preacher soon learns that mind games can be deadly as sin.

One man. Two women. One set.

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The Flaxen Miss Jackson

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Everything has been going right for Simon Barjonas all year long. And it’s driving him crazy. He’s pinpointed the exact moment his good fortune began: When Mary Jackson said to him, “Have a happy New Year.”

Simon is compelled to confront Mary about her “inexplicable” gift. But he gets more than he bargained for when she turns water into wine before his very eyes.

Mary reveals she possesses an indwelling spirit of a different kind, and – much to his chagrin – Simon realizes he’s used her blessing to break every single one of the Ten Commandments.

Two men. Two women. One set.

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Runs, Drips & Errors

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This baseball comedy is set at home plate during a game between the Rockwood Scouts and the Chattahoochee Nads. Leo, the umpire, is mercilessly heckled by songstress Luanne Linder, who opens the proceedings by butchering the Star-Spangled Banner. The catcher, Corky Bristol, is grossing everyone out with his stinky feet. And the batter, Goo-Goo Dawkins, attempts to influence the umpire’s calls by helping Leo with his love life. To top it all off, the coach for the Scouts, Greg Wellman, needs to leave the game early to catch a flight to his grandmother’s wedding. So, he asks Leo to eject him. But Leo refuses to do so unless Wellman makes him really mad.

And it all takes place within one at-bat. Will Corky’s feet strike everyone out? Does Wellman get to the church on time? And can Goo-Goo help Leo find true love? Probably not – but it’s a safe bet your audiences will laugh out loud watching them try.

Four men. One woman. One set.

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Rheumatoid Floyd

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This is Jay’s spoof of Orson Welles’ classic movie Citizen Kane. Charles Foster Floyd utters his last word “Rosebud” and falls to the floor. Enter Bradford Thompson, a reporter, who immediately begins to write Floyd’s obituary. But, as Floyd lies there dying, he doesn’t like what he hears Thompson write. So, he wills himself to get up, stay alive, and help Thompson write the piece.

However, Thompson finds Floyd’s memories of his life to be a bit unbelievable. As they bicker about the details, Thompson learns about Floyd the man that the public never knew. And Floyd begins to see that he may have held himself in too high of a regard. In the end, they strike a compromise about reporting the truth and respecting the dignity of a man’s death.

Two men. One set.

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Plumber’s Butt

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Vicki is a bohemian hot mess who has endured a lifetime of nagging health issues – from acute sinusitis to acid reflux to fibromyalgia and everything in between. Then, one day, she calls for a plumber to fix her leaky sink. When he arrives and bends over to go to work, she sees his butt crack . . . and she is instantly healed of all her maladies. Converted, she now feels a calling to get her family to believe, stare at the plumber’s butt, and be healed, too. This comedy is infamous in the Jay Huling canon, and it was the recipient of the 14th Annual New Voice Play Festival’s Golden Curtain Award, presented by The Old Opera House Theatre Company.

Two men. Two women. One set.

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It Happened at Kings Island

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Hannah and Fritz meet at Kings Island amusement park, and their chemistry is immediate and palpable. That is, until she breaks down, and Fritz realizes that Hannah is an animatronic exhibit, part of one of the park’s attractions.

Barbara, a park maintenance worker, comes to fix Hannah, and is dismayed that Fritz thought she was real. Barbara and Fritz don’t get along at all. And, yet, they also have a strange attraction to one another. So, Fritz must decide if he wants to pursue an uncertain relationship with the real Barbara or a perfectly fake relationship with the robot Hannah.

This is the original one-act play of Jay’s that he later reimagined and turned into the full-length comedy Transisters.

One man. Two women. One set.

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G.I. Red, White, and Blues

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The war on terror has come to Frankfurt, Texas – where two soldiers and their lawyer are on a mission to remove a young girl of Islamic faith from reading the Koran at a bus stop.

Sgt. Ishmael Salvo’s military philosophy is to shoot first and make up answers to questions later. This worldview is put in jeopardy when his lawyer, Stuart R. Stoopid, warns the sergeant that attacking enemy non-combatants is against the law.

The showdown that follows and the pursuit of peace is complicated by contentious passages in the Koran – especially those espousing violence toward women and infidels. Can Salvo be convinced to make love, not war?

Two men. Two women. One set.

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Elvis of Nazareth

JAY'S PLAYS Elvis of Nazareth

In the summer of 1953, a yet-to-be-discovered Elvis Presley has an inexplicable foreknowledge of future events.

And he wonders if it’s all worth the effort. Should he record the song for his mother, get discovered, and become the boy who dared to rock? Or should he go home?

As he ponders his fate, Elvis encounters several characters from the Bible who help him choose whether to rein as the King of Rock and Roll . . . or live a life making disciples for the Kingdom of God.

Five men. One woman. One set

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Bonjour Raconteur

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When Russ Gettys, a wannabe comic book creator, discovers a Genie in a bottle, he is determined to waste his customary three wishes to prove to the Genie that he doesn’t need them at all. But the Genie was sent to teach Russ a lesson. So, when the wishes are all used up, Russ realizes his true wish is to recapture his imagination and follow the dream he abandoned. But is it too late?

One man. One woman. One set.

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Bob Juan

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Bob is tired of living in the shadow of his womanizing big brother, Don Juan. So, Bob sets out to seduce Donna Julia, the wife of Don Alfonso. When Alfonso nearly discovers the tryst, Bob dresses in disguise as a woman to escape. But Alfonso, believing Bob to be a girl, makes romantic advances toward him. It’s a campy farce where boy gets girl, boy loses girl, and boy gets boy back. This is Jay’s spoof of Lord Bryon’s epic poem Don Juan.

Two men. Two women. One set.

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Live a Little Photo

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